I have never considered myself the type of person who plays games. Honestly, I have always thought they were dumb. I've always said "Well, if you like someone, you should be up-front and honest. Don't say one thing and then do another." I really felt it was more an act of a coward, or someone who doesn't know what they want. Or, someone who is just spiteful and enjoying watching others squirm.
While my assumtions might have been correct for a select few, I think I have finally realized the purpose of (and dare I admit, need for) games within the dating world.
Now, I use this term quite loosely. Don't get me wrong-- I'm in no way saying that I feel people should cheat or see other people once you've met that one person you actually feel is worth a shot. What I have come to realize, however, is that sometimes it is necessary-- if not imperative to the success of this budding "could be" relationship-- to not go all in.
As a person who is what personality tests have named an "Expressive," I like for my feelings to be heard and known. Typically, this isn't much of a problem because I'm a good communicator, so I'm able to convey the feelings/thoughts that I want others to know. However, where I have gone wrong in this concept is in the dating world. I have always thought "Honest is the best policy." And for the most part, in life, that would be a true statement. However, when you're trying to be impressive and keep someone's interest... laying all of your metaphorical cards out on the table is just about the WORST thing you could ever do. After many years of unsuccessfully dating, I have finally realized this concept. And truthfully, I'm praying that I haven't already ruined things with the guy I am currently quite interested in. I think I'm good... but definitely need to stay very busy for the next little while.
Where I have always gone wrong is the assumption that it would be rude if I were busy. Therefore, I always made sure to keep at least one night open for whomever my man of interest was... okay, that's a lie... I would pretty much keep my entire LIFE open. This was the demise of EVERY could have been relationship that I ever ventured into. I see this now. (Which is why I am STILL praying that I haven't overdone it with new guy.)
The problem is, I always came from a very sweet, genuine place. And I'm sure the guys always thought nothing less... However, I'M not even attracted to "sweet, genuine." Let's be real. Nobody wants the girl who sits there with her arms open saying "Love me!!! I'll take care of you for the rest of your life!!!" Nobody. You want the "So, I'm interested... but I have lots of things going on in my life, so you're going to have to make a reservation if you want me all to yourself-- especially if it's a weekend." LOL. Maybe that's a little over the top, but you get the idea.
And the funny thing is, before I met him, I got REALLY good at that. In fact, even I surprised myself with how busy I would keep myself. And I vowed to stay like that if/when I met the next guy... and I did-- for the first week or two. But then, I made the mistake of slipping back into my old ways and skipped my own routine to visit with new guy. That was fine... but I can't make a habit of it... or I'm pretty sure he will walk right out of my routine-lost little life. :/ Sad, isn't it? We move things around for someone we like, just to have him think we're no longer a challenge and then walk away. Well, the accommodating side of me is just going to have to be locked away for a little while. Not that I'm going to be a jerk now... but why should I just assume that he will always keep his plans, yet I should move mine around?? HELLO????? I'm the GIRL! That's the stupidest thought I've ever had!!! I need to make HIM work to get ME! Not the other way around.
It seems so simple now... I can't believe I've never seen it this way before. If he really likes me, then he's not going to get annoyed when he doesn't hear from me... he'll just call me. And maybe if he still doesn't hear from me.. he'll put in a little more effort! (Which, according to men... is what he's wanting to have to do anyways!!) Why would it be fun to reach out to someone (new) if you know that every time you do, they'll be there... waiting for you. BORING.
Even I have to admit that I almost like not hearing from him every day, because when I do, it completely makes my day. So there you have it, folks. Even I can be taught... after I can't tell you how many years of doing the WRONG thing... I think I've finally had a break-through. Thank you, Jesus!
Now let's just pray that next week I have a chance to prove my newly realized powers to reel him back in. ;)
While my assumtions might have been correct for a select few, I think I have finally realized the purpose of (and dare I admit, need for) games within the dating world.
Now, I use this term quite loosely. Don't get me wrong-- I'm in no way saying that I feel people should cheat or see other people once you've met that one person you actually feel is worth a shot. What I have come to realize, however, is that sometimes it is necessary-- if not imperative to the success of this budding "could be" relationship-- to not go all in.
As a person who is what personality tests have named an "Expressive," I like for my feelings to be heard and known. Typically, this isn't much of a problem because I'm a good communicator, so I'm able to convey the feelings/thoughts that I want others to know. However, where I have gone wrong in this concept is in the dating world. I have always thought "Honest is the best policy." And for the most part, in life, that would be a true statement. However, when you're trying to be impressive and keep someone's interest... laying all of your metaphorical cards out on the table is just about the WORST thing you could ever do. After many years of unsuccessfully dating, I have finally realized this concept. And truthfully, I'm praying that I haven't already ruined things with the guy I am currently quite interested in. I think I'm good... but definitely need to stay very busy for the next little while.
Where I have always gone wrong is the assumption that it would be rude if I were busy. Therefore, I always made sure to keep at least one night open for whomever my man of interest was... okay, that's a lie... I would pretty much keep my entire LIFE open. This was the demise of EVERY could have been relationship that I ever ventured into. I see this now. (Which is why I am STILL praying that I haven't overdone it with new guy.)
The problem is, I always came from a very sweet, genuine place. And I'm sure the guys always thought nothing less... However, I'M not even attracted to "sweet, genuine." Let's be real. Nobody wants the girl who sits there with her arms open saying "Love me!!! I'll take care of you for the rest of your life!!!" Nobody. You want the "So, I'm interested... but I have lots of things going on in my life, so you're going to have to make a reservation if you want me all to yourself-- especially if it's a weekend." LOL. Maybe that's a little over the top, but you get the idea.
And the funny thing is, before I met him, I got REALLY good at that. In fact, even I surprised myself with how busy I would keep myself. And I vowed to stay like that if/when I met the next guy... and I did-- for the first week or two. But then, I made the mistake of slipping back into my old ways and skipped my own routine to visit with new guy. That was fine... but I can't make a habit of it... or I'm pretty sure he will walk right out of my routine-lost little life. :/ Sad, isn't it? We move things around for someone we like, just to have him think we're no longer a challenge and then walk away. Well, the accommodating side of me is just going to have to be locked away for a little while. Not that I'm going to be a jerk now... but why should I just assume that he will always keep his plans, yet I should move mine around?? HELLO????? I'm the GIRL! That's the stupidest thought I've ever had!!! I need to make HIM work to get ME! Not the other way around.
It seems so simple now... I can't believe I've never seen it this way before. If he really likes me, then he's not going to get annoyed when he doesn't hear from me... he'll just call me. And maybe if he still doesn't hear from me.. he'll put in a little more effort! (Which, according to men... is what he's wanting to have to do anyways!!) Why would it be fun to reach out to someone (new) if you know that every time you do, they'll be there... waiting for you. BORING.
Even I have to admit that I almost like not hearing from him every day, because when I do, it completely makes my day. So there you have it, folks. Even I can be taught... after I can't tell you how many years of doing the WRONG thing... I think I've finally had a break-through. Thank you, Jesus!
Now let's just pray that next week I have a chance to prove my newly realized powers to reel him back in. ;)
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