My whole life, I've always felt that I was meant to do something great. I wanted to be a singer, but my dad would say "You get your degree, then you can run off and be a singer and do whatever you want." So that's exactly what I did.
When I graduated, I went through a mini crisis because I was no longer under the safety net of "student;" it was was now my time to take what I've learned and put it to use. It was time to make something of my life- prep time was over. That was one of my scariest realizations ever. This whole time, I'd been looking forward to being a "grown-up" and making my mark on the world; yet, now that it's finally my time, I'm immediately afraid that I'm going to fail.
I don't exactly know when I started to become what many call a "perfectionist." This name is odd to me because I feel that a perfectionist has things pretty well organized in their life... This would not describe me at this point of my life. In fact, I feel that as much as I would like for that to be true for me, right now, that could not be farther from the truth.
Recently, I've been seeing a psychologist to, hopefully, help me sort out what's been going on. I guess, to put it into words, I've been feeling very overwhelmed. I feel as though I'm not where I should be in life. I know most people go through that at some point, but unfortunately, the "perfectionist" in me is always comparing myself to others and always feeling that I fall short. I've been doing this to myself for as long as I can remember and it is SO unhealthy. I know this. I just don't know how to snap out of it.
It's a lot like dating for me... I need that constant reinforcement. I need to hear that you're thinking of me. Maybe it's silly, but after years of mean guys making me feel that I'm simply someone they leave, I'm a much more delicate version of myself. I never thought I could be broken.... Obviously, I was wrong.
I don't know if it's losing my mom and all in that time, feeling so alone, but it's hard to really envision myself in a happy life with someone. I'm so disparate to feel validated. I need to feel that I belong somewhere. To someone. I feel as though I've lost my identity,
I'm terrified to put so much faith in someone else, but if I can't believe that someone will love me for me and will make feel cherished, then I have no hope. What is the point of life if you're living alone? I'm such a hopeless romantic at heart, that I only feel it would be fair for me to finally have my happily ever after.
When I graduated, I went through a mini crisis because I was no longer under the safety net of "student;" it was was now my time to take what I've learned and put it to use. It was time to make something of my life- prep time was over. That was one of my scariest realizations ever. This whole time, I'd been looking forward to being a "grown-up" and making my mark on the world; yet, now that it's finally my time, I'm immediately afraid that I'm going to fail.
I don't exactly know when I started to become what many call a "perfectionist." This name is odd to me because I feel that a perfectionist has things pretty well organized in their life... This would not describe me at this point of my life. In fact, I feel that as much as I would like for that to be true for me, right now, that could not be farther from the truth.
Recently, I've been seeing a psychologist to, hopefully, help me sort out what's been going on. I guess, to put it into words, I've been feeling very overwhelmed. I feel as though I'm not where I should be in life. I know most people go through that at some point, but unfortunately, the "perfectionist" in me is always comparing myself to others and always feeling that I fall short. I've been doing this to myself for as long as I can remember and it is SO unhealthy. I know this. I just don't know how to snap out of it.
It's a lot like dating for me... I need that constant reinforcement. I need to hear that you're thinking of me. Maybe it's silly, but after years of mean guys making me feel that I'm simply someone they leave, I'm a much more delicate version of myself. I never thought I could be broken.... Obviously, I was wrong.
I don't know if it's losing my mom and all in that time, feeling so alone, but it's hard to really envision myself in a happy life with someone. I'm so disparate to feel validated. I need to feel that I belong somewhere. To someone. I feel as though I've lost my identity,
I'm terrified to put so much faith in someone else, but if I can't believe that someone will love me for me and will make feel cherished, then I have no hope. What is the point of life if you're living alone? I'm such a hopeless romantic at heart, that I only feel it would be fair for me to finally have my happily ever after.
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