For many years, I have longed to be in a happy, healthy, committed relationship. I have dated men and have had fun, but have never felt truly safe in a relationship.
Every time a man would make me feel as though I wasn't his number one priority, I would try to talk to him (maybe), but was too afraid that if I told him that I really wanted to be in a relationship, it would scare him off and then I'd be alone again. This went on for years-- guy after guy.
I always cried and wondered what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I good enough for them to stand up for and make me their one and only?
I dated a variety of men-- different ages, races, beliefs... no matter how different they were from the previous one, they were always the same.
You hear the phrase "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response is the definition of insanity." So, I have thought about this long and hard... When I look at the many different situations that I've been involved in with different men, I wonder... what's the same in every equation?... Me.
So, I'm the issue here... not that there is something wrong with me. But, maybe I'm not acting the way I need to in order to be treated in the manner that I would like to be treated.
So I think I have finally figured it out. Last night, for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself-- 100%. It was scary, and I know there is a possiblilty that the man I have been quite smitten over for the past 6 weeks will walk away... but I told him exactly what I wanted and what I won't put up with. I was very sweet and respectful. I didn't cry, I didn't yell and I didn't point any fingers or get upset. I was perfectly calm and simply explained myself.
He looked at me for a moment and then looked off as though he were thinking about his decision... I knew he was exhausted from the day and did not want him making a rushed decision over something I feel is very important. He asked if he could tell me tomorrow and I said "of course." I have no desire to get a response from him one second faster than he is prepared to offer it.
Could he respond with "I think you're a great girl, but I'm just not ready to commit right now"? Absolutely. Will I cry? Probably so. But will I be destroyed and heartbroken? Absolutely not. Because I KNOW that I made the best possible choice for myself. I have always had a very loud conscience and if I'm not doing right by me, then I won't be happy even if I'm with some guy that I'm crazy about. If I'm not being treated the way I feel that I should be, then it's not the situation that I want to be in anyways.
I honestly have no clue what his answer will be. Do I hope he picks me? Of course I do. But only if that's REALLY what he wants, also. The last thing I would want is for him to say "Okay, let's give this a try" and all he really wants to do is go out and meet a new girl. So if he wants to play, I'll gladly let him go. But I do like the fact that things will end amicably (if that's the way things go), so if later on he decides that he's had enough of meeting new girls and would like to really try a serious relationship with me, then he will come back to me knowing that that's what he wants. And if I'm available and interested in giving him another chance, then we'll see where it goes from there. And if not, then it wasn't meant to be. Simple as that. :) #strongerthanyouknow
Every time a man would make me feel as though I wasn't his number one priority, I would try to talk to him (maybe), but was too afraid that if I told him that I really wanted to be in a relationship, it would scare him off and then I'd be alone again. This went on for years-- guy after guy.
I always cried and wondered what was wrong with me. Why wasn't I good enough for them to stand up for and make me their one and only?
I dated a variety of men-- different ages, races, beliefs... no matter how different they were from the previous one, they were always the same.
You hear the phrase "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response is the definition of insanity." So, I have thought about this long and hard... When I look at the many different situations that I've been involved in with different men, I wonder... what's the same in every equation?... Me.
So, I'm the issue here... not that there is something wrong with me. But, maybe I'm not acting the way I need to in order to be treated in the manner that I would like to be treated.
So I think I have finally figured it out. Last night, for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself-- 100%. It was scary, and I know there is a possiblilty that the man I have been quite smitten over for the past 6 weeks will walk away... but I told him exactly what I wanted and what I won't put up with. I was very sweet and respectful. I didn't cry, I didn't yell and I didn't point any fingers or get upset. I was perfectly calm and simply explained myself.
He looked at me for a moment and then looked off as though he were thinking about his decision... I knew he was exhausted from the day and did not want him making a rushed decision over something I feel is very important. He asked if he could tell me tomorrow and I said "of course." I have no desire to get a response from him one second faster than he is prepared to offer it.
Could he respond with "I think you're a great girl, but I'm just not ready to commit right now"? Absolutely. Will I cry? Probably so. But will I be destroyed and heartbroken? Absolutely not. Because I KNOW that I made the best possible choice for myself. I have always had a very loud conscience and if I'm not doing right by me, then I won't be happy even if I'm with some guy that I'm crazy about. If I'm not being treated the way I feel that I should be, then it's not the situation that I want to be in anyways.
I honestly have no clue what his answer will be. Do I hope he picks me? Of course I do. But only if that's REALLY what he wants, also. The last thing I would want is for him to say "Okay, let's give this a try" and all he really wants to do is go out and meet a new girl. So if he wants to play, I'll gladly let him go. But I do like the fact that things will end amicably (if that's the way things go), so if later on he decides that he's had enough of meeting new girls and would like to really try a serious relationship with me, then he will come back to me knowing that that's what he wants. And if I'm available and interested in giving him another chance, then we'll see where it goes from there. And if not, then it wasn't meant to be. Simple as that. :) #strongerthanyouknow
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