The Whole Package

One would think that being told that you're "the whole package" would be a huge compliment. Somehow, in my ridiculously upside-down life this is actually almost an insult. Granted, it was never intended that way by the person who said it, but merely proven to be so by just about every man I have met over the past 5 years.

For the most part, I would imagine that I have a pretty good idea of what men are looking for in a woman: intelligence, degree, decent looks, someone who's into fitness, great cook, high morals and values... someone who really knows who they are and what they want in life. Clearly, this is not so.

Instead, this is intimidating. REALLY?!? REALLY?!?! Yes. Evidently so. I have had more people in my life tell me that I'm intimidating than I care to count. The humor that I find in this is that I'm quite friendly and outgoing, I love to meet new people and for Heaven's sake... I'm 5'1!!! If THAT intimidates you, then clearly you need to read a few more Self Help books.

It just baffles me that men say they want a woman who can take care of herself, but will be soft and sweet when it's called for... Ummm... not true. Men want... well, crap! Clearly, I have no clue of what they want b/c I sure as heck can't seem to get it right. And it's almost insulting when people always say "Men are so simple." Okay... maybe they're simple-minded, but seriously??? How can they be all about it for 2 days or 2 weeks or 4 months, and then all of the sudden... poof! Gone! And then, they're weirded out when you're confused as to why they're all of the sudden checked out and a totally different person than the one you met. Really don't get them.

And the thing that sucks the most is that every time someone pulls this, it just chips away at my faith in the belief that good things come to those who wait and that if I just focus on me and "just don't think about it"... he'll show up. Really? Is that all I need to do? Well, excuse my doubt because I'm pretty sure that I've been "doing my own thing" for about 5 years now and have still managed to meet jerk after jerk after jerk. And I'm not even KINDA dating the same type of guy. I've dated all types of ages, ethnicities and career. They still all end up the same type of douche bag, though. Miracle, isn't it?

I'm very hopeful that one day I'll look back on these rants and say "Awww, poor me. I was so sad and now I'm in such a great place in my life." This is not that day. And seriously, I don't even know how long it will take me to actually believe it when I do meet a good guy. I'm always waiting for the mask to be pulled away and their true self (NOT the great, handsome, fun guy I originally met) to be revealed. Because inevitably, it always happens. It's just a matter of how long until it does...

The romantic that I have always been, it's pretty sad that I'm this cynical now. I hate to see it in myself, but any time you throw caution to the wind and follow your heart... it's shattered and disregarded in 5 mins. Always.

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