There comes a point in your life where you feel that it's quite time that you know who you are and what you want out of life. I believe everyone comes to this place-- peacefully or not so much.
Where there are definite advantages in knowing what you believe in and having a good self image, I almost feel that we never truly find ourselves... Isn't the whole point of life the journey? Hasn't it been said that it's not the destination that matters, but the manner in which we find our way there?
I think some of us get so caught up in knowing exactly what we want and who we want to be and where we think we should be in life, that we don't notice where we actually are. Don't miss the forest for the trees? This is true... As a self-diagnosed "Type A" person, I know that I focus a large amount of time wondering what I'm "supposed to be doing" in life or who everyone thinks I "should be" dating, etc.. rather than simply letting myself explore life and fall in love with whomever and whatever experiences life brings my way.
Granted, letting life simply happen is much easier said than done for a person like myself. I pride myself on always being in control, not getting too crazy, knowing when to say/do the right things at the right time, etc. But as much as I am grateful for not having too many cringe-worthy moments throughout my life, I must admit that there are times where I look back and wonder if I've been a little too in control. If I look at a man and feel interested, I almost immediately reassess the situation and find a list of reasons why he would not be a good choice... not even worth the effort. It might be that I don't like his teeth, or that he's too attractive and I'm immediately aware that I could fall for him and, in turn, be deeply hurt by this man with whom I haven't even said hello. This could be a poor life choice.
After a few years of difficulty in my life, I am coming into a new phase of finding myself. Finding a new happiness. Just because you've always acted a certain way, doesn't mean it was the right way for you. Looking at my dating past, I'm almost convinced that I'm doing things entirely wrong for the outcome that I'm truly looking for. Maybe it's not all about being "the perfect candidate" in the end... maybe it's more about being flexible and having the openness to allow someone else to come into my life and teach me new things, help me to be more open and even show me things I could do better. Just because I can take care of myself doesn't mean I'm in the best situation possible. It's great to be self-sufficient... but if something can always fix itself, will anyone ever bother to help? Probably not. Why would they bother if they aren't needed?
So maybe that's just it. Maybe I need to allow myself to need someone else. It's the scariest thought I've ever allowed myself to have because it means I will absolutely need to be vulnerable. But every damsel in a fairy tale was in distress and had to have Prince Charming swoop in and save her. Yes, today's society says a woman can be her own Knight in Shining Armor and clean the house and cook dinner all in one foul swoop, however... is that what we, as women, really want? Don't we dream about just having a strong man come in a rescue us every now and then? Sure, they can know that you're independent and strong and that you have your own mind and have taken care of yourself all of these years... in fact, they'll probabaly think the fact that you're anything but needy is quite attractive. But men need to feel needed. We've all heard this. So why don't we let them? For fear of looking like we need them? LOL. For fear of truly appearing to be the "weaker sex?" Maybe it really is about all of us "playing our little part." Maybe that's just the secret... The Jessica (not-so-dumb-blonde) Simpson's of the world figuring out that we can be Super Woman in our own minds... but we don't always have to let them know. Let them carry the heavy bag-- sure, you can get all of your groceries in one trip, but wouldn't it be so much nicer to let them get it and then thank them a million times for being such a gentleman and over how much easier it was for them to carry all of that, rather than our fingers nearly breaking off with a half-gallon of milk on our pinky?
I feel I have almost cheated myself in trying to be so brave. If they wanted an equal, they would date a man, right? Maybe I should put this on my mirror...
Where there are definite advantages in knowing what you believe in and having a good self image, I almost feel that we never truly find ourselves... Isn't the whole point of life the journey? Hasn't it been said that it's not the destination that matters, but the manner in which we find our way there?
I think some of us get so caught up in knowing exactly what we want and who we want to be and where we think we should be in life, that we don't notice where we actually are. Don't miss the forest for the trees? This is true... As a self-diagnosed "Type A" person, I know that I focus a large amount of time wondering what I'm "supposed to be doing" in life or who everyone thinks I "should be" dating, etc.. rather than simply letting myself explore life and fall in love with whomever and whatever experiences life brings my way.
Granted, letting life simply happen is much easier said than done for a person like myself. I pride myself on always being in control, not getting too crazy, knowing when to say/do the right things at the right time, etc. But as much as I am grateful for not having too many cringe-worthy moments throughout my life, I must admit that there are times where I look back and wonder if I've been a little too in control. If I look at a man and feel interested, I almost immediately reassess the situation and find a list of reasons why he would not be a good choice... not even worth the effort. It might be that I don't like his teeth, or that he's too attractive and I'm immediately aware that I could fall for him and, in turn, be deeply hurt by this man with whom I haven't even said hello. This could be a poor life choice.
After a few years of difficulty in my life, I am coming into a new phase of finding myself. Finding a new happiness. Just because you've always acted a certain way, doesn't mean it was the right way for you. Looking at my dating past, I'm almost convinced that I'm doing things entirely wrong for the outcome that I'm truly looking for. Maybe it's not all about being "the perfect candidate" in the end... maybe it's more about being flexible and having the openness to allow someone else to come into my life and teach me new things, help me to be more open and even show me things I could do better. Just because I can take care of myself doesn't mean I'm in the best situation possible. It's great to be self-sufficient... but if something can always fix itself, will anyone ever bother to help? Probably not. Why would they bother if they aren't needed?
So maybe that's just it. Maybe I need to allow myself to need someone else. It's the scariest thought I've ever allowed myself to have because it means I will absolutely need to be vulnerable. But every damsel in a fairy tale was in distress and had to have Prince Charming swoop in and save her. Yes, today's society says a woman can be her own Knight in Shining Armor and clean the house and cook dinner all in one foul swoop, however... is that what we, as women, really want? Don't we dream about just having a strong man come in a rescue us every now and then? Sure, they can know that you're independent and strong and that you have your own mind and have taken care of yourself all of these years... in fact, they'll probabaly think the fact that you're anything but needy is quite attractive. But men need to feel needed. We've all heard this. So why don't we let them? For fear of looking like we need them? LOL. For fear of truly appearing to be the "weaker sex?" Maybe it really is about all of us "playing our little part." Maybe that's just the secret... The Jessica (not-so-dumb-blonde) Simpson's of the world figuring out that we can be Super Woman in our own minds... but we don't always have to let them know. Let them carry the heavy bag-- sure, you can get all of your groceries in one trip, but wouldn't it be so much nicer to let them get it and then thank them a million times for being such a gentleman and over how much easier it was for them to carry all of that, rather than our fingers nearly breaking off with a half-gallon of milk on our pinky?
I feel I have almost cheated myself in trying to be so brave. If they wanted an equal, they would date a man, right? Maybe I should put this on my mirror...
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