One day, I hope to be aware of the fact that it is payday, but not need to immediately analyze and break down where every dollar of that paycheck will go. However, today is not that day. And today, that is exactly what I did. However, this, I feel, will lead to true happiness in the end.
I love the idea of some day driving around in a beautiful Mercedes with my designer accessories, heading to my home in River Oaks... but I also have never lived in that life, and know that if I ever hope to be there, I have to think while I'm in the "here."
I'm grateful for the person I'm becoming. I feel that I do my best to always put God first, be wise with my money, and hold my friends and family in my heart at all times. However, I wonder, when will I have proven to be a good steward of what I have been given? I say this in regards to finding love.
I know that God has everything in His perfect plan for our lives and that we are just here to follow Him and do our best along the way. I wonder why I have always been so obsessed with independence, though. Yes, I'm small; I've had to rely on myself and therefore, must figure it out on my own for years... but would it really be so bad for me to actually have someone to reach it for me? Or to not have to be so brave all of the time because I actually had someone to hold me in the dark?
I'm grateful that God sees me as being strong enough to handle everything I have endured in my life. This makes me proud. But I do worry that I have built so many walls aroud my heart over the years of being hurt, that it will be very difficult for me to, not only let someone in, but to actually recognize what I've been looking for for so long, when it actually stands before me.
I want to be an "us" one day... and I feel that I'm finally reaching a point in my life where I wouldn't rely so heavily upon the support of anyone else for real decisions, but that I would simply be able to enjoy the company and happiness.
Some day, I truly believe that I will be completely fulfilled in my life. But until then, I will continue to build up my foundation... and try to chip away at the wall a little, maybe. :)
I love the idea of some day driving around in a beautiful Mercedes with my designer accessories, heading to my home in River Oaks... but I also have never lived in that life, and know that if I ever hope to be there, I have to think while I'm in the "here."
I'm grateful for the person I'm becoming. I feel that I do my best to always put God first, be wise with my money, and hold my friends and family in my heart at all times. However, I wonder, when will I have proven to be a good steward of what I have been given? I say this in regards to finding love.
I know that God has everything in His perfect plan for our lives and that we are just here to follow Him and do our best along the way. I wonder why I have always been so obsessed with independence, though. Yes, I'm small; I've had to rely on myself and therefore, must figure it out on my own for years... but would it really be so bad for me to actually have someone to reach it for me? Or to not have to be so brave all of the time because I actually had someone to hold me in the dark?
I'm grateful that God sees me as being strong enough to handle everything I have endured in my life. This makes me proud. But I do worry that I have built so many walls aroud my heart over the years of being hurt, that it will be very difficult for me to, not only let someone in, but to actually recognize what I've been looking for for so long, when it actually stands before me.
I want to be an "us" one day... and I feel that I'm finally reaching a point in my life where I wouldn't rely so heavily upon the support of anyone else for real decisions, but that I would simply be able to enjoy the company and happiness.
Some day, I truly believe that I will be completely fulfilled in my life. But until then, I will continue to build up my foundation... and try to chip away at the wall a little, maybe. :)
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