How many times a day do we say "Man, I would really love to learn how to speak Italian" or " I really need to start learning how to bake" or "Gosh, I really wish I could be one of those people who were always at the gym?" The list goes on. Everyone can think about the many comments they make, possibly even daily, regarding something they would love to add to their life. But do we really do it? Is it enough that we're constantly mindful of it, therefore we know that ONE DAY we'll get around to it? No. At least not for me.
The older you get, you realize that tomorrow truly is not guaranteed. This becomes especially reinforced when you experience the death of someone close to you. Not everyone will necessarily experience such an occurrence-- and I would never wish it on anyone-- but I believe most people are quite aware of our mortality as we do get older.
The point of my little "aha" moment isn't necessarily about me being afraid that I'm going to die soon... it's more of a This is my only shot at life and I want to stop living a life full of "I wish I could" and start living a life of "I made the best memories when I..." Doing things in your life is a bit like planning to have a baby, I think. You're never going to have "enough money" and it may never really be the "perfect time" because let's face it, unless you have TONS of money or are able to just not work and be independently wealthy, you will always have something that you could be spending your money on or saving it for. Therefore, you just have to pull out your planner, take a deep breath and start writing in WHEN you're going on vacation and WHERE you're going to go. Don't worry so much about everything being perfect because, let's face it... that's not how life has EVER worked. Has your life EVER been just perfect? No. And if you say "yes," then you're either dillusional or you're living in denial. Not to be harsh, but seriously.
However, this is a good thing! At least, I'm going to take it as a good thing... Recently, I have been feeling very overwhelmed with where I am in my life and how I don't feel "impressive" (I really don't know what my deal is about thinking I'm supposed to be the most amazing person ever) and how I'm soo not in the life that I thought I would have by this age. It's nothing to do with being married or having children-- but more of why am I driving a Honda Civic and still having to be anal about sticking with my budget and can't just go shopping because I have to make sure I can pay my student loans? Why am I living in an OLD apartment that I am SOO not in love with (and is not in the LEAST bit impressive)-- not to mention that I had to DOWNGRADE from where I began in Houston? Why am I still meeting douche-bag guys (at all ages) and haven't had a real relationship to speak of in now, FIVE years? All of these questions can make a person crazy.
Well, I guess today I have decided to try not to focus on the things I cannot control and to start planning for the things that I can change in my life. Such as... I've always wanted to learn Italian... even to the point that about 2 years ago, I bought an Italian dictionary and a Conversational Italian book-- both have sat nice and cozy on my book shelf in my closet. Ridiculous. I used to have little sticky notes all over my apartment with Italian words, so I would know what that item was called... once I moved, they all went away and I never put them up in the new place. So tonight, I'm going to sit down on my couch and make a sticky for everything in my apartment that I can put a sticky on.
As soon as I got to work this morning, I began looking up words in my dictionary and even found a free website that teaches Italian. So, I got a little spiral and started taking notes. :) I'm already learning today! I really WANT to learn this beautiful language, so I really think I will. My ultimate goal is to go to Italy by the time I'm 30, so the way I see it, I have 3 years to learn this language well enough to make conversation and get around in a foreign country and then when I actually visit, I'll get so much more out of it by being able to converse with people!!! :) And I'm sure it'll help my Italian even MORE by spending time over there.
Some other things I'm planning to do are things such as finally talk to my friend about the tattoo I've been saying that I want to get for my mom. I've thought about it for over a year and I still really want the same thing... proof that I know what I want. I keep wondering if I need to find a Christian Psychologist to sort out some things I've dealt with in my life-- especially since my mom passed away-- so I'm going to find one and set an appointment. I don't think it's a matter of doing grande things; I think it's more about doing what you set out to do, but never actually followed through on. I love checking things off my list... so I guess you can say I've made a "Bucket List" of sorts. But it's not necessarily a "before I die" kinda list. Just more of a "I'm sick of saying 'I wish I could do ______'." I'm going to try to really put my $$ where my mouth is. And since it's really just for the betterment of myself, I don't see how I could go wrong. :) Even if I don't end up doing everything I thought I wanted to do, just knowing that I made a dent in the list will make me very proud-- and will make me more of the kind of person I want to be. I have gotten so much better at being a person of integrity for everyone else... it's time to be the same kind of person for myself.
And so I will.... starting today. <3
The older you get, you realize that tomorrow truly is not guaranteed. This becomes especially reinforced when you experience the death of someone close to you. Not everyone will necessarily experience such an occurrence-- and I would never wish it on anyone-- but I believe most people are quite aware of our mortality as we do get older.
The point of my little "aha" moment isn't necessarily about me being afraid that I'm going to die soon... it's more of a This is my only shot at life and I want to stop living a life full of "I wish I could" and start living a life of "I made the best memories when I..." Doing things in your life is a bit like planning to have a baby, I think. You're never going to have "enough money" and it may never really be the "perfect time" because let's face it, unless you have TONS of money or are able to just not work and be independently wealthy, you will always have something that you could be spending your money on or saving it for. Therefore, you just have to pull out your planner, take a deep breath and start writing in WHEN you're going on vacation and WHERE you're going to go. Don't worry so much about everything being perfect because, let's face it... that's not how life has EVER worked. Has your life EVER been just perfect? No. And if you say "yes," then you're either dillusional or you're living in denial. Not to be harsh, but seriously.
However, this is a good thing! At least, I'm going to take it as a good thing... Recently, I have been feeling very overwhelmed with where I am in my life and how I don't feel "impressive" (I really don't know what my deal is about thinking I'm supposed to be the most amazing person ever) and how I'm soo not in the life that I thought I would have by this age. It's nothing to do with being married or having children-- but more of why am I driving a Honda Civic and still having to be anal about sticking with my budget and can't just go shopping because I have to make sure I can pay my student loans? Why am I living in an OLD apartment that I am SOO not in love with (and is not in the LEAST bit impressive)-- not to mention that I had to DOWNGRADE from where I began in Houston? Why am I still meeting douche-bag guys (at all ages) and haven't had a real relationship to speak of in now, FIVE years? All of these questions can make a person crazy.
Well, I guess today I have decided to try not to focus on the things I cannot control and to start planning for the things that I can change in my life. Such as... I've always wanted to learn Italian... even to the point that about 2 years ago, I bought an Italian dictionary and a Conversational Italian book-- both have sat nice and cozy on my book shelf in my closet. Ridiculous. I used to have little sticky notes all over my apartment with Italian words, so I would know what that item was called... once I moved, they all went away and I never put them up in the new place. So tonight, I'm going to sit down on my couch and make a sticky for everything in my apartment that I can put a sticky on.
As soon as I got to work this morning, I began looking up words in my dictionary and even found a free website that teaches Italian. So, I got a little spiral and started taking notes. :) I'm already learning today! I really WANT to learn this beautiful language, so I really think I will. My ultimate goal is to go to Italy by the time I'm 30, so the way I see it, I have 3 years to learn this language well enough to make conversation and get around in a foreign country and then when I actually visit, I'll get so much more out of it by being able to converse with people!!! :) And I'm sure it'll help my Italian even MORE by spending time over there.
Some other things I'm planning to do are things such as finally talk to my friend about the tattoo I've been saying that I want to get for my mom. I've thought about it for over a year and I still really want the same thing... proof that I know what I want. I keep wondering if I need to find a Christian Psychologist to sort out some things I've dealt with in my life-- especially since my mom passed away-- so I'm going to find one and set an appointment. I don't think it's a matter of doing grande things; I think it's more about doing what you set out to do, but never actually followed through on. I love checking things off my list... so I guess you can say I've made a "Bucket List" of sorts. But it's not necessarily a "before I die" kinda list. Just more of a "I'm sick of saying 'I wish I could do ______'." I'm going to try to really put my $$ where my mouth is. And since it's really just for the betterment of myself, I don't see how I could go wrong. :) Even if I don't end up doing everything I thought I wanted to do, just knowing that I made a dent in the list will make me very proud-- and will make me more of the kind of person I want to be. I have gotten so much better at being a person of integrity for everyone else... it's time to be the same kind of person for myself.
And so I will.... starting today. <3
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